Drunk Movie Reviews!?

Hey folks. This is my first review. I want to apologize to you all. As you will see, the review is not complete. It’s quite short. Why? Things went… awry. This review format is still a work in progress. I’m refining it as we speak. The first movie I decided to review is “Over the Top”. I picked this because I thought that it would be a good movie to get my toes wet with. It’s a beloved movie from my childhood but one I haven’t watched in years. I wanted to watch something I was familiar with but not something I knew like the back of my hand. Like “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’. Heroes in a half shell. I also didn’t want to start with Bergman or Kurosawa. That would’ve been way too intense. So what exactly happened? Here’s what happened.

It started off well enough. I picked out the movie and I bought my pint.

I started watching and I started drinking. Like planned. The movie finished and I finished my pint. Like planned. I then gathered up my computer, headed downstairs, sat down on the couch, and immediately felt dizzy. I pushed forward and started to write the review. I made it twenty minutes before I headed back upstairs to pass the fuck out. Things are hazy after this point, but this is what I gather happened based on what my girlfriend tells me.

She came home and found me passed the fuck out on top of the unmade bed. Despite my malfunctioning body, she managed to get me to roll off the bed (literally roll) so she could make it properly. At this point I began moaning and trying to communicate through a self-induced speech impairment known as the “Wasties”. I think she tried to communicate back to me but I just can’t really remember. If she did I doubt I understood her. Anyway, I ended up rolling back the foot of the newly made bed and stopped before falling asleep again.

I think that’s it. At some point I ended up in bed like a normal person, but I don’t know how I got there.

I did manage to write for about twenty minutes and I’m obliged to show you all what I got. Consider this a taste, a sampling, an appetizer. Future installments will hopefully be longer, more insightful, and all around way more awesome. Here it is.

Hey there. Fucjk yall. First drunk movir review frome Derek.. Self proclaimred movie goer man. Yall, I got the spins. I’m not evening FUCKING AROUND. WHOA. Plus I’m warm. Give me a brwak. hold on. Just pissed in my roommates bathronn. Mishka the kitty scaredx thee piss out of me. whoops. I flushded. Don’t worry Brice and ryan. So thre recview.

            Over The Top!
            Staring Slyvester Stallone.



   First of all. I watched this movie alot when I was a kid. This pure 80’s nostalgia for me. Even more so thaen Labyrinth. But not more so than the Goonies or Batman or spaceballs.
But I did owatch theis alot. Whitch ios why I wanted to review htis as my firsgt movie wreviwew. Whilst druck. pshhhhhh.
Fuuuuuuck.’
    Here we om my goshin go.
Firsrttt. Over the top. 80’s movie dog. Idiot proof now adays. Heresnthe thing. 80’s movie. Fuck it.

Here’s the thing…. Should you watch It? I’ll tell.

YES!

The openming scene sets it up good dude. Hella goods.

Fuckin classic 80’s score but a good 80’s classic score. Inspirational, which is what exactlay wht this should be. And it is kinda. Plus mah=jestic mounatins shots setr it up goods.

I think thiis is goingh good.

So the loose story linis as follows.

A trucker leaves his wif because hie father-in-law is a fucking rich megarich fuckin somebody witha lotta clout somehow. The FIL is out to murk peeps. So the truckeer leaves when his son was a baby.

Fast forward to ten years when thee kid is ten years hes graduating militahyry academy. loser. maybe thats how he seems to know how to say the word “SIR” til you fucking want to PUNCH HIM THROUGH OUT THE WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE. Anyways.

So the wife wants the amn and child to bond and be together so dad played by Sly picks up duechbag from military  academy. No. This isnt “Red Dawn”  Snother time…

Kid hates dad perpetuated by granpas lies. Here we go.

Momo is still alive. sly and son head to see mom in hospital where shwe is supposedly still alive. When they get there after they have bonded through the typical 80’s montage way, she is already DEAD. FUUUUUCCCKKKK. Sorry Sly. Now you look like an asshole at least to your kid. Dang. YOu Mad?

But shit. many moments. Firat off all. I wa nted to pucnh thos kid so many times. he  a fucking brat. Hes played brillliantely by the dude thtat plays him.  I wntes to puch him so many times cause he sucks.  I guess that good for the movie. Thats how theye wanted me to feel. turns put hes a good boy. They bond and shit.

There we go. I wanted to clarify a few things for you guys. First of all, I apologize for saying “Fucjk yall”. I don’t really mean that. Second, Mishka is my girlfriends cat and therefore my cat. He’s literally a maine coon. The rest have to do with the movie. I don’t want to do a full fledged review of the since I’m sober and that’s not the point of this blog. But I do want to highlight a few things.

I said in the review that I think people should see this movie. Well, I was drunk when I wrote that. Do I actually think everyone should see it? No. With so many other great movies that exist that I’m sure people haven’t seen I can’t see putting this one at the top of their list. You should see it if you’re a Stallone fan, an 80’s movie fan, or both. Or really into arm wrestling, because this is probably the only movie that deals with the topic of arm wrestling, therefore making it the best one.

I do think that at its core, this is a movie about a father and his son. It’s about redemption and overcoming all obstacles and odds and atoning for past mistakes to make things right for the future. That’s a message that I can get behind and like to see because I feel like I don’t see that very much. Mr. Stallone does some crazy shit just to be with his son. Who wouldn’t want their dad to crash a semi-truck through their evil grandpa’s mansion? I’d be down to see that. Another thing that is really unique about this movie is that there isn’t a side plot line involving a female love interest. I find that fucking refreshing. Imagine that, a movie where the male lead isn’t trying to get the girl. I applaud the filmmakers for keeping the main focus on the father and son.

One last thing. There’s a climactic arm wrestling championship staged in Las Vegas at the end. It’s a very frantic section in the movie and tension builds as Stallone’s character works his way through the preliminary rounds. It’s all very dramatic and stylized, but where the arm wrestling matches earlier in the movie bordered on the edge of ridiculous, the matches in the tournament seem somewhat realistic and how they might have been. My favorite part, in probably the whole movie, is when Stallone makes it to the semi-finals. At this point the film cuts to documentary like interviews of the finalists, including Stallone and his arch rival. These short interviews contrast greatly with the rest of the movie and do several things to enhance the film. It ramps the action down several notches after the energetic start of the tournament. It does an excellent job of building tension in anticipation of the last rounds. Another thing is it really gives the characters a chance to appear human, and not just meat heads who just want to arm wrestle. Even when I was a kid I loved these scenes. I just think they’re done really well.

So that’s it. Hope you got a laugh or two out of this. I’ll be back soon with a more sophisticated experience. Hopefully.